Part II - A gift not accepted is not a gift to begin with... or something like that

To make a long story even longer, after the major recruitment drive, Sat came and two minutes before the start of the match, we had 12 players. This included the recruit from the SCG. In the line up was Rambo (aka Aneesh), making his first appearance for the season. In the off season he has been training in the Kuringai jungle and now his biceps are the size of tree trunks. Everyone was careful not to upset him even by mistake.

For once, it looked like we had a team that could win a match, at least on paper, as Charuka aptly pointed out. Ricky tossed, lost, then told the opposition we would bat and ordered his team to pad up. Yes, you read that correctly - he lost the toss and said we would bat. He's not called Tricky Ricky for no reason - actually he is, but we've now found a reason.

When our new recruit, Vasee, learnt we were batting and he was listed at #8, he said he would move his car and come back only to find that he couldn't find his car keys. The drama off the field never stops. He was told by Charuka not to stray too far from the boys because after the second wicket falls, normally everyone gets to bat very quickly. He thought Charuka was joking. We informed him that we were deadly serious. He laughed nervously.

The batting was the usual LOBAT performance, as in there were very few performances to talk about except for one name in the score book that is consistently the top scorer in our side, year after year – his name is Mr Sundries. In fact there was one over where Mr Sundries clocked 7 runs, which is quite an achievement for a LOBAT.

The openers got us to about 50+ and were looking steady. Then Ricky threatened to declare unless he got to bat. He had moved himself down the order, for no reason at all, once again. Soon the two openers were back in the hut and Lasi had replaced Saj who knocked a fluent 25 runs with some beautiful boundaries.

Aneesh went to bat at # 4 and was told to stay there. He did - for a few balls. The first ball he faced (which mind you is the first ball he faced in two years) was hit for a massive 6 that went into a neighbouring suburb. A few balls later, he was walking back to the hut after adding 20 to the score. In theory if all our batsmen did this, we would have 200 runs in less than 10 overs, which would be a winning score and an early end to the day. The suggestion has been tabled for consideration by the senior members of the Lack of Brains And Trust & skill. Will keep you posted on the outcome there – don't hold your breath, they're not too good with theory or anything for that matter.

Meanwhile, we are sticking to our strengths. As Charuka had warned Vasee, within a matter of balls and  minutes, Vasee (the # 8 batsman) was out in the middle. We had gone from 53 for no loss to 98 for 7! In the middle, waiting for Vasee was Sam, who was continuing his brilliant form with the bat. The two experienced campaigners set about resurrecting the carnage. Sam’s $500 bat was showing us why it was worth every penny. It comes with a remote control and a mind of its own. Our entire middle order was seen on their phones, ordering the same bat. Prasad is considering an upgrade as well.

Meanwhile, Vasee was providing a running commentary while batting, which entertained both sides. Ricky who was umpiring at the time said even O'Keefe would have been proud of Vasee's commentary. He was telling the bowler it was a good ball even before he played his shot, then he would tap the ball into a gap and call for 3 runs only to barely complete a single. This went on until Sam and Vasee got us past 150 without fuss.

Chris was getting a bit itchy to bat. After watching Clarke score 329, Chris decided to take all the stickers off his bat too. He was looking to snag a new sponsor as well. Chris removed the batteries from Sam's remote control and he was clean bowled the next ball. Sam got a standing ovation because none of the guys had any seats and the ants were nibbling away at their bottoms.

Chris then provided a display of batting rarely seen. He stroked a few beautiful leaves followed by a couple of nice flicks to take him to a quick fire 5. He was then caught on the boundary attempting to double his score. When he got back to the hut we noticed he had snagged a couple of new sponsors – two dead flies were found stuck to the glue left over from the stickers he had removed off his bat. He was a proud man. Simran then took the reins, ducking and weaving good length balls, followed by clocking a 4. We ended on 161, with Vasee not out on 26.

The bowlers were happy for a change that the match was likely to last more than 10 overs. That was until we saw what their batsmen had in mind.

Las and Fonzy bowled a few good balls in between the bad ones that were called for wide or clobbered. Two of those bad balls got two of their top batsmen out. One of these batsmen had scored a 100 against us last time, so we thought we had won the match. But then the other opener started hammering everything. Rambo was given the ball. He declared war. Unfortunately the opposition was armed with bigger guns and they started firing back. A few trees ended up losing limbs from the sixes that resulted. In the crossfire, Rambo took one to the back and was sidelined – he was seen stitching himself under a tree later.

Ricky then took the ball and decided to finish his over. By drinks - the halfway mark - they were only 3 down and needed only another 48 runs. Ricky decided to spike his own drink – something he learnt in Phuket. After drinks he went nuts. He gathered the guys into a huddle and yelled something at everyone. No one knew what was said but everyone nodded. The batsmen gifted us a couple of catches but we refused to accept them on grounds that a gift from an opponent is not a gift to begin with if it is not accepted - or something along those lines that a wiseman once said, but we can't quite remember...

The opener was still pumping everything to the boundary. Ricky started changing his field around. When someone asked him what the plan was, he said it was ‘to confuse everybody’. It worked. The batsman hammered one of Ricky's balls straight back at him, faster than the speed of light. Ricky, who at this point was in a zone reserved only for the likes of Keanu Reeves and Ani, gathered himself from his follow through, bent down, swayed out of the way of the ball, let the ball fly past his ear, turned around and snatched the ball from behind after it had passed him. As the ball was travelling faster than the speed of light, no one but Ricky and Keanu had seen it. The batsman and everyone else for that matter were stunned.

Ricky was in the Matrix - something he had mastered from all those practice sessions with Ani and those trips to Phuket. We had finally broken the unbreakable partnership. Now everyone wanted Ricky to spike their drinks. The team was pumped.

That lasted one or two balls until the other batsman started pumping everything. Ricky once again took the ball and had it whizzing past the batsmen. Unfortunately it was whizzing past the stumps too. This pissed him off. He made it personal. He started having words with the off stump, but the stump was unmoved. The very next ball he nailed the off stump and let out a blood curling scream. We now had them 5 down. But they only needed another 31 runs.

Once again, Ricky engaged his 'confuse everyone' strategy and put all the fielders on the boundary to confuse the new batsman. This even confused the birds who decided to take a different flight path over the grounds. Another partnership started building. Ricky's confusion strategy had run its course, so Charuka took to his strategy of putting ideas into the batsmen's heads. He kept saying how the batsman was unable to score runs in front of the wicket until he decided to prove Charuka wrong. He hit a ball up in the air to mid-off who had to back peddle – to run away from the catch. When mid-off turned around the ball was right above his head, so he put his hand up to knock it away. It went straight up off his hand so he kept trying to push the ball away until it stuck in his hand on the fifth attempt. The crowd went nuts. Ok, that's an exaggeration, there was no crowd, it was just Ricky.

Batsmen then came and went. They didn't like Charuka's taunts. Their skipper strolled out to the middle and took guard. They now had two wickets in hand and only needed 12 to win. He looked like he could bat until his first shot was a dolly straight to mid-on where the safe hands of Las refused to accept another gift from the opposition – that wiseman thing again. He picked the ball up from the ground and passed it back to Ricky who accidentally hit the stumps on his way back to bowl the next ball. He said sorry to the umpire, who gave the batsman out – run out. The batsman had assumed the catch would be taken and managed to run himself out after it was dropped. It was a win-win-win. Las refused the gift, the team got another $2 for their trip to Phuket and the team got the wicket.

Finally the last man had to get the 12 runs to win and we thought we had it... but we didn't! Ricky got pumped for a 4. Then Fonzy who was bowling on the other end got pumped for a 4. He then got a nick that Charuka and the Stig clearly heard, but Vasee who was keeping at the time said they were hearing things. The keeper then got a couple of gift catches that were refused on principle again.

Now they needed only 3 runs. Dilshan's overs were finished so we turned to Las. It was a match that could have been. We had come so close. Las ran in and bowled a wide down leg side, which meant they would have tied the scores because they were setting off for a single as well. But the batsman managed to top edge the ball somehow and it started going towards square leg. Dilshan was in the middle of a conversation with the square let umpire and had to be interrupted. He moved to his left, and we quickly told him to go the other way. He did. He started concocting his apology before he caught the ball and the match was won in epic fashion. Ricky went wild.

More pictures from recruitment drive...
The team scorecard >>