As usual, mid-week Ricky sent
out an email to confirm players. This was immediately followed by an sos saying
we only had 7 players eventhough 70 people were on the email list. This
resulted in a series of events that unfolded into an epic match. Let's recap.
Due to the consistent
shortage of players, the LOBATs have been on a recruitment drive. Certain elite
team members have been spotted in all sorts of dodgy places, such as dark
alleys, curry restaurants, aunty's barbeques, the airport etc walking up to
anyone that looks like subcontinental chap (aka kalu pora) and asking them if
they play cricket. If the response is that they do, we quickly move on to the
next guy and ask them until we come across someone that says no. Then we launch
into our recruitment pitch that is so effective that even Amway has been trying
to copy our techniques.
For those that actually pay
attention to what is written in this post, you might be thinking there was a
typo in the previous paragraph. There probably was, but you didn't misread
anything. Yes, it is true that we only recruit those who say they have never
played cricket before and there is a very good reason for this.
Let me explain.
One of the founding
principles of the LOBATs was that only players that couldn't bat, bowl or field
were signed up as elite members of the team. This has worked well for us over
the years. In fact, this worked so well, that the principle was soon embraced
by the PDCA (Paramatta District Cricket Association) and then made it's way up
to CA (Cricket Australia). This was due to the fact that these cricketing bodies
have some very good grass roots programs and when they saw how we managed to
make it to two grand finals and win with our amazing noskill strategy, they
adopted this principle as well. That is why CA dropped Warne and McGrath and
all those other top performers. And as you saw last week, it's working wonders!
Now even the Indian and Lankan national sides have adopted this modern
management technique.
But I digress. The point is
now that the PDCA is enforcing this policy, we have been a bit hamstrung. As
soon as someone says they can play, the PDCA tells us we can't register them.
Like all good strategies, once everyone adopts it, it stops working for the
guys that invented it.
However, this week we were in
luck. When Ricky sent out his usual sos that we needed to kick the recruitment
drive into overdrive, your correspondent was on duty covering the match at the
SCG, sitting with Duke in front of the Indian team in the Members Stand. This
was a PDCA recruiter's dream. An email was quickly sent to Ricky, Peter and
Greg - the chief recruiters - telling them 'not to worry'. There were 15 guys
who couldn't bat, bowl and field behind us and they were all curries. Problem
solved.
Not quite. A name was sent to
Greg to register. A request came back asking if he had ever played before and what
his stats were. An email went back saying he had just finished batting and his
average was very average. This resulted in a series of emails which resulted in
more emails.
Meanwhile we had to wait for
the PDCA to make a decision on whether our new recruit would be permitted to
play. This meant we were running out of time to find another recruit. Then your
correspondent had a bright idea. As this is a very rare thing he quickly made a
note in his diary of the time and place of this idea but he forget to make a
note of the idea. So a few minutes later he only had proof of - nothing really.
So we decided to go straight to the top for a decision. A message was sent to Julia
Gillard, who was also seen at the SCG – it looked like everyone was at the SCG.
Gillard's response was that
of a seasoned politician: ‘I'm sorry boys, I can't make a decision.’ We asked
why. She said she didn’t know how to. And then she added that even if she could,
it would not be up to her. When we told her that we thought the buck stopped
with her, her response was priceless. She said if we had a buck it would
definitely stop with her. Unfortunately all we had were headaches and those get
passed on to her PR team that have the same standard response. This response will
not be reprinted here because this is a family publication that doesn't just
publish any rubbish.
Our hands were tied. But Baulkham
Hills Club veteran problem solver Greg (aka Bond) said 'not to worry', he'll
get it sorted... Meanwhile, also sitting with the Indian team was Rajitha and
the Stig. The Stig was on the phone to his mother shouting at the top of his
voice that his average was 244. He was hoping the Indian team management was
listening and would ask him to pad up ahead of Tendulkar. Unfortunately the
team management was busy discussing the merits of the DRS.
Rajitha meanwhile was hiding
from all cameras to make sure he was not spotted by the Hamas, MI5, Abbas and
his boss who are all still looking for him. He said he might make an appearance
at our game and asked us to hold our breath. We gave him the same response
Gillard's PR team gave us.
At this point you are probably
wondering if you are going to read about any cricket at all. Then again, you
would only be wondering that if you have never followed the LOBATs before...
with the LOBATs, cricket has very little to do with anything. It never gets in
the way of a good story.
… to be continued (go to next page: Part 2)
Hey Nesh,I can't access the pics. Can you please add 'prasadmanula@gmail.com' to your share list.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward for the part 2!
Cheers
Prasad
Ok, pics should be visible to all now. Thanks for the feedback.
ReplyDelete