21 Jan 2009

After a well earned holiday the team launched into the New Year with a New Year’s resolution
- to be much nicer to our opponents than we were last year. As you all know, the guys were
ruthless, particularly one guy towards the end of the year.

In the New Year’s spirit we gifted the first match of the year to the opponents. We hoped
that this would make up for us beating them in the grand final last year. The only thing worth
reporting from that match was there was nothing to report. Other than Charuka and Las
contributing with the bat while Aneesh and Sacha talked a bit with the ball, the only thing to
report was that it was a nice day.

So we decided it was time bring back Stanley from Sri Lanka. An emergency sos was sent
to Colombo asking him to cut his holiday short. He said from his holiday resort that he
would only come back if the coach was sacked. The lack of brains and trust immediately
gave the coach the boot. No one is quite sure who the coach was though cause he had
never been spotted at any of the practice sessions or team bonding sessions that were
never held. But the lack of brains and trust has confirmed that the coach has been sacked.

This game was meant to be a walk in the park against a team we have beaten quite easily
in the past. And Sacha’s contribution with the ball should have ensured it was a walk in the
park. Sacha balls looked like they were tied on a string. He was swinging them to the left and
the right and making them do all sorts of funny things. But mostly he was just fondling them.

What ever it was he was doing, it was working, cause they were dancing all over the place
and the only runs the batsmen were getting were byes and fours through the slips. When
the batsman finally managed to get bat on ball, it went straight up in the air to Rickster. He
was so excited by the prospect of adding another catch to his growing total that he started
doing some Travolta disco moves. At the end of his disco routine, he picked the ball up
from the ground and passed it back to Sacha who had to then try again to get the guy out.
Wisely (Sacha is not on the lack of brains trust) he decided to just bowl the batsman out.

One ball was so good that the batsman came and asked Sacha for his autograph. Truth is the
only thing good about it was that the batsman missed a straight ball and got bowled, which is
something our batsmen are very familiar with. Sacha then managed to get the next batsman
to nick a ball that went straight into the keeper’s hands before ending up in the hands of first
slip. In the end, second slip claimed the catch.

Sacha ended up with 4 wickets for hardly any runs. We had them 7 down for about 50 runs
which got us a bit concerned because we needed more runs for Stanley to chase. That’s
when they sent in their secret weapons – a China man with a curry.

This was a deadly combination. The China man was determined to keep everything out and
even used his hands to stop the ball from hitting his stumps. When we appealed, the umpire
decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. It was doubtful that the China man was aware
of all the rules of the game according to Rajitha, who was bowling at the time. However,
according to Charuka who was behind the stumps and quizzed the batsman on the intricacies
of the game, it appears that he had a good grasp of all the other rules of the game.

Whatever the case, the China man kept the ball away from the stumps while the man on
the other side had the runs flowing. The partnership ensured they got past a 100 before we
finally convinced the China man to play a shot. He did and it went straight in the air to Rajitha
who was so impressed with Ricky’s disco moves that he did a few of his own. Like Ricky, he
too ended up picking the ball off the ground and passing it back to the bowler to try again.

Eventually Sameera managed to get the China man out and we finally cleaned up the tail. We
had to get 123 to win.

Stanley was sent out alone to get the winning runs. He was asked to take his time. Rajitha
kept shouting ‘no hurry’ while Ricky just kept shouting.

The first ball was a wide. The second ball got despatched to the next suburb. Three fielders
were seen jumping over the neighbour’s fence, dogs were heard barking and eventually they
came back with a ball. The next ball was sent straight back into the same neighbour’s house.
The three fielders went back. This time the dogs didn’t bark and the neighbour invited them in
for a cup of tea. The neighbour then put on his whites and agreed to get on his roof and catch
the next six.

So Stanley sent the fourth ball straight down the ground towards a different neighbour now
that neighbour at the square boundary had plugged that hole. At the end of the first over, we
had 20 runs on the board! Looked like we only needed another six overs. Stanley then took
strike on the other side. He hit a couple of more fours before Ricky shouted to Stanley to get
out so that he could score the remaining runs. Stanley obliged and went back with 27 in nine
balls.

From that point on, the bowling suddenly became unplayable. Wickets started tumbling
and there wasn’t a run to be bought. The neighbour on the roof went back into his house.
Charuka and Rajitha made it into their twenties before finding the pavilion. Ricky was given a
promotion after he got on his hands and knees.

He was a bit concerned because the neutral umpire was someone that he had given out
lbw when Ricky was the neutral umpire earlier in the season. Ricky’s karma had come back
to pay him. So he was seen buttering the umpire all day and was at one stage even seen
grabbing the ump’s left butt cheek. Fortunately for Ricky the ball never hit his pad. In fact,
fortunately the ball was missing everything including the keeper.

Ricky did eventually go nuts and knock the ball around the park before getting out to a China
man bowled by an Indian man. Aneesh, aka Rambo, then came in with the scores tied and
promised not to loose the match – which would have been impossible unless he managed
to score a negative run, which upon reflection would probably not be beyond some of our
batsmen. The field was brought up and he was surrounded. Rambo was not going to take any
prisoners and he tonked his first ball to the boundary. The fielder who felt the wind of the ball
passing his left ear was seen thanking his lucky stars before pleasantries were exchanged
and we called it a day.

In then end we stumbled over the finish line with only a couple of wickets to spare.