17 Dec 2007

Match summary...

It was a day of firsts - almost... It all started with stand in skipper
Charuka showing up to the ground on his lawn mover to ensure we did not
have a repeat of last week’s balls getting lost in the inner ring field
and batsmen using that as an excuse for not scoring...

Rumour has it that Ricky also showed up to the ground early - he drove
to the grounds with pads on and was about to head out to he middle when
the skipper threatened to run him over with the lawn mover.

The skipper won the toss and elected not to field in the stinking
heat. Baner was given a much overdue promotion to the opening spot in
front of his two biggest fans – his kids. When the other opener and the
one down batsmen were no where to be see with 5 minutes to go, Ricky
promptly padded up again – it was not to be.

The first over went as usual - the below average bowlers were made to
look like first class cricketers as the opener played and missed at the
gentle-slow-medium pace of the 12 year old. The opener was ducking and
weaving while the yorkers were barely missing the stumps.

Then Baner took guard. He immediately got off the mark with a sauve
leg bye that went in the score book as a run. A couple of balls
later, after a bye, Baner was back on strike. He received a pearler.
Baner lost sight of it as soon as it left the bowlers arm and yet he
managed to get a huge edge on it. The ball headed towards the boundary,
after taking the edge of the off-stump. Baner was left bewildered. He
contemplated claiming he had actually nicked the ball and the bails had
fallen off as a result of a bowel movement.

Dilshan who was umpiring at the time confirmed that it was a peach
of a delivery. He said the ball pretty much went straight and swung
drastically after it took the wicket out of the ground. The bowlers
were looking deadly at this stage.

This brought star young batsmen Prasad to the crease with the score on
precarious but not uncommon 1-2. We had almost made it to the end of
the second over for the first time without losing a wicket, but it was
not to be. Asked why Prasad simply doesn’t open the batting since he is
doing that job by default, he said he prefers to come in after the ball
has at least one scratch on it. He says he also likes the challenge of
playing a bowler who's confidence has just been boosted.

The other opener was still struggling to get off the mark. He finally
got an edge that was slowly finding its way to the outfield and he set
off for a run but it was not to be. Prasad stood his ground, shook his
partners hand and then sent him back saying there would be no quick
singles on such a hot day.

A few abrupt expletives later, Prasad sprinted a couple of singles and
then faked an injury to put an end to all singles. Saying it was too
hot to bat, he then proceeded to hit everything in the air trying to
get himself out, following the example of the middle order last week.
Unfortunately, unlike the middle order last week, all Prasad’s shots
cleared the boundary with ease.

It was around this time that Ricky was spotted on his hands and knees
praying for a wicket to fall. His prayers were answered when Prasad
eventually managed to hit a catch softly enough to the fielder.

This resulted in stand-in skipper Charuka making his way to the centre.
He strolled out to the centre with confidence and promised not to
practice the cha cha cha out in the centre this week. In fact, he said
he was planning a long innings. It was not to be. About five balls
later, he was drafting his follow up email to last week as he walked
back to the pavilion to continue his scoring duties.

Ricky was seen licking his lips and practicing a few straight drives.
Chani then walked out to warm applause after announcing his retirement
from retirement. His wife asked him to get some clean nappies and then
locked him out of the house.

Meanwhile Sam was earlier spotted pacing the boundary furiously after
losing his opening spot to Baner. He had been banned from umpiring
and with Charuka hogging the scoring he had nothing to do. Somehow
he managed to sneak onto the field unnoticed, but not for long. He
was noticed when the very first ball that hit the batsman’s pad was
followed by a Dicky Bird style smile and a raised finger even before
the fielding side had appealed. Ricky was jumping up and down, hands in
the air, cheering on the sidelines.

Sam was quickly ushered off the field and asked to pad up and Ricky
was asked to sit down. Aiyesh then went in and steadied the boat once
again. During the drinks break Chani had gone missing. He was found
later after he had changed his dirty nappy. Then Chani felt sorry for
Ricky and decided to let him bat.

It was not to be. The skipper sent Dilshan. After a patient start of
watching two balls very closely, he proceeded to despatch everything to
the boundary with disdain. He got 30 something in less than a few balls
while Aiyesh refused to be outdone as well. The two of them got us over
the 200 mark!

More to come...

Ricky was back on his hands and knees, praying for another wicket. Atif
was due to go in before him. He begged Atif to let him go bat first.
The senior veteran obliged preferring to get some much needed sleep.

Ricky finally got his turn. He had just strolled out to the middle when
his phone rang. One of the boys answered it and was heard saying “Aunty
he just went out to bat, please hold the line.”

He almost lasted four balls this time, but it was not to be. He knocked
the cover off a ball straight to second slip and then stood there
practicing his cut shot, refusing to look at the umpire who had his
finger up – and it wasn’t Sam. Ricky finally stormed off with arms up
in the air, shaking his head all the way to the boundary. After he
answered his phone call, he proceeded to get some throw downs to knock
the edges of his bat in a bit more.

Atif then knick one. Fortunately Sam was not umpiring and he got a

chance to get clean bowled. Sam who was on the other side
stage then tried to hit a six with the bottom edge of his
managed hit the ball as far as his big toe. He did manage
the next ball before making his way back to the cigarette
behind.

Nuwan then decided to take a leaf out Charuka’s book and danced down
the wicket after the ball was safely in the keeper’s hands. He is
currently drafting up his defence and is up to Chapter 3 of volume 2 of
the team template. Lasith refused to play this week because his whites
were not clean.

We almost managed to bat through the day, but it was not to be. With
15 minutes to spare, we had to take the field. Some tight bowling had
the opposition under a bit of pressure and one of the batsman popped a
dolly straight towards long off.

Baner, who saw it coming, wanted to get through the day without a
fine. He decided to quickly run away from it to the left, but when
it followed him, he cut to the right. The ball had a heat seeking
device set on it because it followed banner to the right. He dived and
summer saulted before landing on his feet and the ball was now heading
straight for his groin. He quickly put his hands on the crown jewels
and managed to knock the ball to the ground before finishing up in the
splits.

He stood up and took a bow to a thunderous applause coming from the
rest of his team mates that had $ signs in their eyes. The slip cordon
was seen holding up scores of 9,9 and 8 while the keeper only gave a 7
saying the splits was a rough...

Chani then got the other batsman out twice – once plumb lbw then clean
bowled.

At the end of the day, the opposition were left chasing 259 with 9 more
wickets in hand.

How's That!